journey of realisation

"drink hot water at regular intervals sweeto"

"OK mom"

"and keep the flask by your side, whenever you feel cold inside the bus, have a cup or two"

"OK mom"

"and take your tablets only with hot water"

"ya mom"

"don't forget to take the flask once you leave the bus sweeto..we got it gifted at sreedevi's marriage. It's brand new. You are not keeping it with your bag right. So don't forget"

"Mom, please. I know that"

She smiled quirkily. Dad just parked the car nearby and joined us. We three stood in front of the single storied building which had the 'Sun Travels' board hanging precariously from it. The building was in disrepair. I wondered what kind of a great business deal happens in that decaying office room. They hardly had any access to main bus services to Bangalore and could never manage to get me a multi-axle Volvo A/C ticket. We waited in silence for the next five minutes as the overused bus' engine creaked from a distance. The bus seemed to be a close relative of the worn out building. It braked a good 500 meters away from where we stood and managed to stop near us with a squeal.

"Don't forget to drink the water Vinu. Call us once you reach Madiwala"

This time it was Dad's turn of pampering advice. I just nodded as I got into that piece of junk in the worse of wear. My face frowned as I entered the bus. The fact that I was from a well-off family itched my thoughts and compelled me to think that I should have been in an a/c bus sitting among some upper middle class people, covered in a blanket watching a brand new movie they would usually put in TV. Here I was, among some old couple, average citizens and poorly dressed snoring men. I reached for my seat (the seat numbers hardly mattered), kept my bag in the dusty top rack and sat at the window seat. As far as I can feel my face, it was still frowning in disgust as I tried to move the dusty window pain to no avail. I kept the flask in the seat to my immediate left which was empty. And the one next to the narrow passage was occupied by a man who looked around 45. He reminded me of Qutubudin Ansari, the man with teary eyes, who was the face of 2002 Gujarat riots. My phone ringed. It was my colleague Vinayak.

"ya bro tell me"

"hey Vinod, watzupp man? Haven't seen you around for some time. You were supposed to put your ass back at your seat last Wednesday?"

"Ya dude. Don't even ask. I fell sick. My Volvo ticket got cancelled"

"oh jeez..so how are you now"

"ya I'm fine. Managed to get a bus ticket man. It's total crap. Anyways...will meet you at the office tomorrow. Take care"

I reclined to my seat which was nowhere similar to the thick cushioned seat of Volvo. I fixed my ear phones and closed my eyes.......

I woke up hearing some sound. The cleaner of the bus was yelling at someone. I just raised my head to see what's going on. It was 'Qutubudin Ansari' who sat to my side.

"I told you that we have stopped here to fill petrol. You hardly had time to pee and you've already wasted 15 mins"

The cleaner was yelling out the occasional dominance he gets over passengers.

"Sorry Anna, some urgent work"

He was a tamilian. Normally tamilians who work in factories at Bangalore used to shuttle between states. I stared at him as he came to his seat. He seemed to be desperate. Well, I was disturbed. I just recovered from a bad fever and fortunately managed to get some sleep in the rip-roaring bus which is now snatched away from me. However, I closed my eyes in another attempt to recall the sandman.

Next time I woke up I had reached Silk Board, just 5 minutes away from Madiwala. I checked my mobile. It was ten past eight in the morning. The bus did its toll. Now I had to rush to my home and get ready in a giffy as I have report at the office by 9.30. I took my bag from the rack as the bus reached Madiwala. People slowly started moving towards the door making a slight rush. As I waited, I saw a 500 rupee note beneath the seat next to where the tamilian sat. I suddenly took it out of instinct. Who would leave a 500 rupee note here? Should I ask the Qutubudin Ansari? Nay. As far as he looks, he won't be carrying a 500 rupee note with him. And if I ask, he is gonna find a reason to get it. With no evident proof about the ownership, I would be obliged to give it to him. No need. He can't definitely be its owner nor the people who sat in the seats adjacent to it. I held it in my hand and got down.

I avoided the rickshaw drivers standing eagerly to get their share of passengers and started walking. A series of thoughts flashed in my mind.....

"Vinu, Whose color pen is this? I saw it in your box yesterday but I forgot to ask."

I was in my 4th standard.

"Shekar gave it to me mom. he gave it so that I can color the workbook"

"Then why didn't you give it back today? tell me the truth Vinu. Did you steal it"

"No mom. I swear. He gave it to me for coloring" My 9 year old voice was breaking.

"see vinu" Mom's voice seemed to care. "you are not supposed to take anyone's things ok. If you want anything tell me or your dad. We will get you anything you want"


I was still walking forward as my thoughts walked back. I was at the second year of my under graduation.

"What are we gonna do man. The matinee starts in some time"

My friend was desperate to watch the new release as we walked through the road after bunking the afternoon session. We were short of quite a few bucks, even to afford first class tickets. We continued walking. Suddenly my friend leapt forward and picked up something from the road. It was a 20 rupee note!

"see dude..just see our luck. Now we have enough money to take tickets right"

I nodded with a smile.

"You know what. This twenty rupee note was meant to be ours. Its destiny dude, destiny"

I was walking. The 500 rupee note was still there, in my folded left arm. Was it destiny? I was still thinking.

"What happened Vinod? What are you looking for?"

My colleague asked me as we got out from the hotel. I had paid the bill and noticed that a 100 rupee note was missing from my wallet.

"It's the money. I think I lost a hundred rupee note."

We both searched in vein.

"Damn it." My friend said. "Whoever gets that note is lucky. He didn't have to toil for it right"

I walked as the stream of consciousness stopped abruptly.

"don't forget to take the flask once you leave the bus sweeto..we got it gifted at sreedevi's marriage. It's brand new. You are not keeping it with your bag right. So don't forget"

I suddenly recollected my mom's words from last night. I rushed back to the bus. As I entered the bus, I heard the cleaner still shouting.

"you have been a pain in the ass throughout the journey. Come on man, get out. We have to park the bus back in the shed"

"5 minutes Anna. Just 5 minutes. Please"

It was the same tamilian from last night. He was desperately searching for something. I realised in a shock that he owned the 500 rupee note that my left arm withheld. I observed him silently as I reached for my seat to take my flask. Tears were streaming out of his eyes which he wiped frequently as he continued his search. I slowly took my flask and on the way back, dropped the note. I stretched deliberately so that he could notice and took the note again. I extended him the note.

"is it this that you are looking for?"

He looked at me and the note. A 1000 waves of gratitude rushed into his tear-filled eyes. Now he really reminded me of Qutubudin Ansari from the Gujarat riots.

"Romba thanks anna..my son is not at all feeling well. He was having high temperature last night. I have to buy him medicine"

That was when I noticed the 4 year old boy who was sitting in the window seat next to the tamilian all this while. A hand kerchief was tied around his head, probably for the lack of a woolen scarf or monkey cap which he couldn't afford.

"I searched for medicine last night when the bus stopped at the pump. But all shops were closed. I don't know how the money fell-off my pocket. Thanks a lot anna'

"No need to thank me. It was lying here"

I just smiled at him. Perhaps the only one I made from the beginning of the bus journey. I just got out of the bus. I was feeling so good. As I walked all the way to get a bus to rush for my home, a bit of realisation lighted up my prejudiced bourgeoisie mind.

We are all confused about right and wrong. Sometimes we justify even the small mistakes that we do. But..if you ever get a chance to correct one of them, may be that makes you feel much better than doing something right. Right?

For the heart

May be a short film someday

Janeesh walked down the wet steps of the military hospital. Hours were still left for the dawn to break. It was still drizzling and made obscure shapes in the steps were water pooled in. His memories reflected a melange of emotions. He knew not whether to smile or weep. One hour back he was lying in his sleeping bag inside his military quarters, with his brain cherishing the alcohol he had from havildar Narain shah's daughter's birthday party.

Captain Janeesh Jagannath...was he thinking about Shamnaz then...in that bone freezing temperature in that beautiful valley of Kashmir when he was comfortably sleeping in the sleeping bag.... he dint know...may be his dreams travelled that extra distance to those moments he remembered with a smile... Shamnaz..the beautiful red flower that bloomed in the valley...with long dark curly hair and deep blue eyes...cheeks red as apple with contours of lips brimming with bloodrush.

Saw her first at the usually deserted Oriental Library in Lalchowk. Captain Janeesh being one of the rare visitors of the library developed a rapport with Ijaz Khan, the librarian. On a beautiful August evening, Janeesh was talking with Ijaz Khan in the Library after taking Aldous Huxley's 'Brave new World'. First came the heartmelting fragrance of arabian parfum followed by a beautiful countenance. "baba i need Aldous Huxley's Brave new world" said Shamnaz. Ijaz Khan gave a confused expression. "You can have it. This is my second time" Janeesh acted instantly. But the damsel did'nt seem to care as she hoped away like a pretty peahen saying " never mind. I have already finished it five times" . Janeesh was surprised by the sudden response. "She is retd. Prof Shafiq Khan's daughter, finished her graduation in law" said Ijaz seeing the questful look in Janeesh's face.

Janeesh retrospected those days of courting girls at college. He thought it was time to brush up his flirting skills. He never wanted to wait for chances.

It was another day of window shopping at a mall in the town when Janeesh's eyes got stuck up with the pretty Kashmiri rose that flowered with attention among the multitude. She was inside a textile shop. Janeesh never wanted to give a second thought to enter the shop. "How does it look" Shamnaz asked her friends holding a red salwar to her body. "You will look like an angel in this dress" the answer was from Janeesh. Shamnaz suddenly turned to see the strange source of male voice. Her eyes glittered for a second with tinges of blush in the cheeks at the sight of Janeesh, though she kept her calm quickly. But that glitter in the eyes was more than enough for Janeesh.

"Please excuse me but I'm unable to select a dress for my only sister whose b'day comes next week. I'm very poor at selecting for girls. Can you help me"

Janeesh had a flirtatious smile when he said that. "But I don't know your sis" said Shamnaz. "She would almost resemble the girl over there with a comparably lesser complexion" said Janeesh pointing to one of her friends. "Sure" nodded Shamnaz and said something to her friends in Urdu and everyone smiled. They started searching and finally ended up selecting a light purple saree with luxurious embroidery work. Janeesh literally cried when he paid the bill. Rs 12,500/- ! He understood the meaning of the smiles from Shamnaz and friends. " oye sweetiepie. You fetched me 12k for a sister i never ever had. I will make you wear this soon" Janeesh told himself.

Another day without battles and guns. Janeesh was walking through the lonely streets of an interior village by the Border when he was suddenly shaken by the footsteps of a horse that almost went over his head. He turned back overwhelmed to see Shamnaz on the horse-top. "Don't you know being a soldier and walking in this region can be dangerous? What if some terrorist finds you?" Shamnaz face had a medley of seriousness and blush when she said it. "how can i visit the true beauty of Kashmir and angels riding on horses if i dont make trips like this" said Janeesh. "Don't be foolish. jaldi jao yahan se" she said with her face literally turning red. Janeesh regretted for his misplaced humor.

Janeesh was still in his sleeping bag when he suddenly heard gun fires outside the quarters. Cries of agony and fear fainted in the cold air. He pounded from his sleeping bag in search of his revolver. "Damn it...terrorists...they have taken over the military dettachment" Janeesh frantically started searching for his revolver when a voice at the doorway stopped him. "Don't move captain Janeesh...your dettachment is no more than forty corpses now. We are in command" His heart wept. He knew it was his turn to be one among them. The voice at the doorway was covered in black with the hood leaving a little space for the eyes. It stood there for sometime. "why is he not firing?. This moment facing death. its unbearable" thought Janeesh. He was at point blank. He closed his eyes. Lot of scenes flashed by. He saw his trainer Puneet Shah at the infantry in Delhi who could easily assemble and separate all parts of Gun. He remembered the Stun M.C class were he was sitting lost in thoughts when a cold metal object touched his back. Mr. Shah was holding a Stun M.C to his back. "If i pull the trigger your body will turn itself to a filter. You know...like a fishing net..that's what your life costs..now concentrate".

Janeesh was suddenly brought back to senses by the sound of a vehicle moving away from the dettachment. The black figure was still at the doorway looking towards the vehicle. It turned its back and was about to leave. This was the moment. Janeesh reached for his revolver underneath the pillow. He fired 3 rounds at the figure. The terrorist fell down suddenly even without a groan.

A long moment of silence prevailed. "but why did the terrorist spare a soldier, that too a captain?" his mind asked frequently as he reached for the hood of the body. He removed the black hood that covered the face. A thousand nails pierced his conscience. An unknown sound came out of Janeesh's throat. The eyes still glittered in blue. A naughty smile still filled those lips. It answered his question of why his life was spared.

But..Shamnaz...you

നൈറ്റ്‌ ഷിഫ്റ്റ്‌ - ഒരു പാതിര പണിയുടെ കഥ

entho chinthichond irikukayayirunnu....othiri chinthakal kadannu poyi...pettennu entho orthu kond enittu dress okke maari irangi...irangaan neram clockilekku nokki..10.10. hmmm..neratheyaanu, 10.30 aakumbole shift thudangu...saramilla 2 divasom koodi maathramanu baakki ee officil...aadyathe joli. 3 masathe night shift anubhavam...2 nalla suhurthukale kitti. Sambhavam magazine aanenkilum ezhuthu joli menakedillatha onnayirunnu. Rathri muthal neram pularkke chumma ingane irikkam, kannur kaaran Binuvum assam kaaran kukilum pattiya company aayirunnu. Kukil 2 aazhcha aayi naattil poyirikukayanu. Pokunnathinu munp avane ini kaanilla.

Jacketum valichittu cheviyil earphonum thiruki banglorinte thanutha raathriyilekku njan irangi. Veettil ninnu office vareyulla nishabdhamaya 10 minute nadathathinu paattu kelkunnathanu best time pass. 'Chandanamani sandhyakalude nadayil nadanam thudaruka...' M.G Sreekumarinoppam chundanakki paattum paadi nadannapol pettennu athine bedhichu kond mobilil message tone muzhangi. Unknown numberil ninnanu message.."Hi I am Eureka here..today Binu won't be coming. You have to manage alone. don't worry Me and Jaya will be online". Assistant editor aanu. "Pandaram adangan..pulivaalayi" njan manasil orthu. Raavile newsletter pokanam..pathu irupathinayiram aalkkar vayikunna sadanamanu. Cheriya thettu pattiyal muzhuvan pazhiyum nammalkku. Ithuvare ottakku cheydhittilla. Avanmarku 2 perkum ennekaal experience ulla kond 3 masam veruthe ezuthu matramayi oru kanakkinu neengiyathayirunnu. Ithippo pokarayappol oru paniyayi. Binu enthanaavo varathathu. Onnum paranjilallo avan. Udane vilichu. Phone edukunilla. Pinne orthappol oru kanakkinu nallathu thanne. Pokunnathinu munp athu koode angu cheyyanam ennayirikkum. Veendum paattu kettu kond njan neengi.

Officil events team undayirunnu. Avarku ratri 10.30 - 11 vare okke joli kaanum. Njan chennapol avar irangan bhaavikukayayirunnu. "you have to call Pradeep", athil oruthan paranju. Avanmaar irangiya paade njan officinte door bolt cheythu akathu vannu. Chief editor Pradeepinte number mobilil ilallo ennorthappol Binuvinte call vannu.

"da Amumma pettennu marichu. njan parayan vendi ninne phone cheythirunu kittiyilla, nee ottakku manage cheyyumallo alle, ninaku aareyenkilum company kodukan nirthanayi njan pradeepinodu paranjatha..pediyilallo alle.." "saramilla..njan manage cheytholam, nee Pradeepinte number onnu tha" njan paranju. Pradeepine vilichappol angerkkum entho aashanka pole. Ellarkum njan ottakku manage cheyyumo ennullathanu veshamam. "Pinne, Ithum ithinte appuravum kandathaanee K K joseph" Vietnam colonyile Innocentinte dialog aavarthichu kond njan joli thudangi. U.S. il ulla ente managing editor Jaya online vannu...PTI and IANS news upload cheyyanam..njan ippo varam..appolekkum cheydu vekku...Jaya paranju. IANS sitil keran password ariyilla. Binuvine pneyum phone cheydu. Edukunilla.

Appolanu annathe test matchil indiayude score nokkiyilallo ennorthathu. oru mooli paattokke paadi angane athum nokki irikumbolanu sambhavam. TDAK..PDUK..CHAK CHAK...njan irikunnathinte idathu bhagathu ninnayi entho oru ocha. Pettennu, oru munnariyippum illathe lights off aayi. Muzhuvan officum iruttil kulichu. kadutha nishabdhatha. Ente aamashayathil ninnu thalachorilekku 110 watt kolliyaan kadannu poyi. Ithinu munpum njanum Binuvum Kukilum iriunnu work cheythappol current poyitund. But athu kore light okke minni nikkum. aa officile sakala UPSum karayum. Oru bahalam thanneyanu. Ithippo sangathi vereyanu. Oru anakkavum illa. Kadutha nishabdhatha. AA bheemakaramaya officil, pathu 40 cubiclukalude naduvil oru systethinte munnil njan angane ice aayi irunnu. Njan ottakanenna vasthutha appolanu sherikkum manasilayathu. System work cheyunund. Njan udane Jayaku message type cheydu "lights gone..i cant see anything..wat is happening" ...udan Jayayude reply vannu " aiyo wat happened, u call 281, dats our office in 7th floor, may be they could help". Pinne ee kannil kuthiya ariyatha iruttathu phone thappi pidichu avanmaare vilikkan. "just a minute" ennu type cheydu njan pathukke enittu.

"Arjunan phalgunan paarthan kireedi....pandaram athu kazhinju ennthonna" Pedi maran pandu amumma paranju thanna arjunante aparanaamangal onnum orma varunilla...sankadavum deshyavum vannu. Aadambara mobile ayathu kond athil torch light poleyulla basic aavashyangal illa thaanum. ennalum enthelum kanam enna prateekshayil njan athum eduthu angottum ingottum nadannu. Pettennu mobile shabdichu. aa njettalinu njan aa phonum kond marinju veezhandathayirunnu. Nokkiyapol Binu, nerathe vilichathu kandittu vilikkunnathavum. Njan valare manoharamaya oru manasikaavasthayil ayathu kond Malayalathile ettavum sabhyamaya 'ma''ka' 'poo' enna aksharangalil thudangunna vaakukal kond njan avane abhishekam cheydu. Pokaan 2 divasam mathram baaki ulla ennod thanne venamarunnoda dushta ee chathi...njan avanodu chodichu...avan appurathe vashathu irunnu chiriyode chiri...enikkanel sakala temperum nashtapedan thudnagi. Nthayalum pinne vilikkam ennu paranju phonum cut cheydu njan aa iruttiloode thappi thadanju nadannu.

"bhagavane enthoru pareekshanamanu...ini valla kallanmarum office kollayadikkan vendi lights off aakiyathavumo? Pinne..kollayadikan lakshangal poozhthi vechirikunna oru onakka khajanaave..pne entha..eey prethamavilla...new year aayittu pretham ennokke paranjal..alla ee new yearum prethavum thammil entha bandham" " Ellavarum ottakku manage cheyyamo ennokke chodichathu ini ivde valla preshnavum undayittu aakumo" Oru ethum pidiyum illathe chinthakal poyappolanu aadyam ketta shabdhathe patti orthathu. Pathukke ulla dhairyam muzhuvan sambharichu njan avidekku nadannu. Mobile velicham njan aa bhagathe bhithiyilekku parathi. Ho oru fuseboard kandu. Bhagyam. Njan oro switchukal aayi thottu nokki..ellam on aanu. "ambada kalla..kandu piduchu" Off aayi kedanna switch kanda santoshathil otta thattu koduthu..KIRUM KDUM ...oru theepori..njan onnu njetti..shey alla veendum veendum njetti...

veendum dhairyam sambharichu njan switch ittu..ithavana daivam kaathu..lights on aayi.

Njan odi systethinte munnil vannirunnu...Jayayude chat window il type cheythu "evrthng ok..lights came..ho avasana divasom thanne pani kitti..ente nalla jeevan poyi" "hahaha..athu thanne venam.." Jayayude typical marupadi. "atheyathe, bossinte koodothramanennu eniku manasilayi..nalla pareekshanamayirunnu" njanum vittilla. "this is not pareekshanam..dis is punishment for u leaving the job" jaya paranju.

Athe athe..valla odiyanum maruthayum pidichirunnel kanarunnu ente svabhavam ennu manasil orthu. Pettennu manasil vannathu "padakali chandi chankiri pokkiri makkiri" aanu. Athum mooli ente avasana night shift divasathinte panikalilekku njan madangi.